


Loving Leatherface

by violet_baudelaire



Category: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Captivity, Dark, Death, F/M, Hate, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Male-Female Friendship, Murder Family, POV First Person, Physical Abuse, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:39:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4023655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_baudelaire/pseuds/violet_baudelaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate is being held captive, and has been forcibly adopted into the Hewitt family. She knows she would already have been killed if not for Thomas saving her. Now, living in her own personal nightmare, it seems that Thomas is the only one she can rely on. Hoyt is her enemy and she worries that Thomas may turn on her in the end too. She has a tentative friendship with Thomas, but what will happen when that friendship turns into love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I’ve been thinking about writing a Thomas x OC for a few years now, and I’ve finally started one.**

**WARNINGS: Mild horror theme, physical abuse, brief mention of cannibalism, swearing, etc. These warnings may apply to future chapters.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, just a fan of them.**

 

“Sit down with us, Kate.”

I froze, halfway to the safety of the staircase, where I could venture upstairs and put some space between myself and the family that had forcibly adopted me. And yet, I had to turn back. I couldn’t ignore Luda Mae. “I don’t...I mean, I should be getting on with the rest of my chores. And I...I’m really not hungry.” It was not easy to talk to Luda Mae, or to the others in the family. Uncle Monty was alright, but I was uncomfortable in his presence because I didn’t like the way he stared at me sometimes. The one that scared me the most was Luda Mae’s eldest son, Charlie, who insisted that everyone call him Sheriff Hoyt. I often wondered what had happened to the real Sheriff after Charlie had stolen his identity. Still, it was probably better that I didn’t know. As for Thomas, the youngest son in the family, he never spoke at all. His presence was felt even when he was not around. Despite his murderous nature, he had an odd naivety about him. Out of everyone in the family Thomas was the one I liked the most, and I felt slightly safer around him then Hoyt although I still felt uneasy in his presence at times. He had actually saved my life. He took lives like they were nothing, but for some reason I could not explain he had decided to keep me alive.

“Don’t make Mama have to ask you again, sit down!” Hoyt snapped, glaring venomously at me. He half rose from his chair, and I hurried over to an empty chair and sat down before he stood up all the way. I wouldn’t put it past him to drag me over to the dining table and tie me to a chair.

“There, that’s better. I like this, the whole family eating together...You should come and eat your meals with us every day,” Luda Mae smiled as she placed a bowl of meat stew in front of me. I was horrified at the thought. Usually I ate alone, which I much preferred to eating with them. That way, I could fill up on whatever food I got my hands on from the store and simply pretend to eat her meals. I had a process of hiding the unwanted food which I got rid of later and showing her empty dishes. Every meal she made had meat in, and not of the animal kind, the human kind. It made me sick just thinking about it.

“Oh, no. I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mrs Hewitt.”

Luda Mae’s smile became fixed, and she eyed me with a hard stare. “I told you not to call me that, Kate. You should know better by now, after all these months.”

“Sorry...Mama,” I replied reluctantly.

She was not completely satisfied with my apology, I saw her frown as she made her way to her own seat, but she accepted it nonetheless. After we had joined hands and said grace, everyone at the table started to eat. Under Luda Mae’s watchful gaze, I had some of the broth and what I prayed were just the vegetable pieces and not any of the meat. I ate a few slices of dry bread from a home baked loaf I had made yesterday. I ate slower than the others, and it was not long before Hoyt was finished. Uncle Monty was next to finish, but while he wheeled himself away from the table, Hoyt lingered on past the time Luda Mae had cleared her bowl. He just sat there, idly drumming his fingers against the dining table. It got on my nerves, but I ignored him as best as I could. It was bad enough for him to start on me without being provoked, but if I aggravated him it would just be worse for me. I hurriedly cleared the table, stacking up the bowls and gathering up the cutlery. I escaped into the relatively safe haven of the kitchen and started to wash the dishes.

“Leave the dishes, girl. You can take Thomas’s tray down to him today.” Luda Mae had already prepared food for Thomas, and it was resting on one of the kitchen counters, covered with a cloth. I was surprised, since usually Luda Mae took Thomas his food on the days when he was too busy down in his dark lair to come up and eat with the family. I did not question Luda Mae, though. It would only make her yell at me for what she liked to call back chatting. And she might have hit me for back chatting. She only hit me when she thought I needed to be disciplined, and she never hit me hard enough to leave a bruise, but I still did not like it. Hoyt was another matter entirely. He hit me whenever he felt like it, and Thomas was the only one who could stop him from giving me a beating.

I went down to Thomas’s dark lair, the cellar which lay underneath the main house. I stopped on the last step of the stairs that led down there, trying not to step on the trail of drying blood. I had heard faint screams earlier, and I figured the blood belonged to another hapless victim. It was quiet down there now, and so perhaps their suffering was at an end. “Thomas?” I called out. I never liked going down there if I could help it. But I knew I should be thankful I actually was able to leave the cellar in one piece, alive and healthy. So many travellers never did.

I heard the sound of Thomas’s heavy footsteps before I saw him appear out of the dark depths. He towered over me, with his broad shoulders and solid muscular build, which could be so menacing but yet he was protective towards me. At least for now. One day he would probably get bored of having me around and I would be his next victim. Hoyt took great pleasure in telling me about the other girls that had been trapped here and then had been ‘set free’ which meant Thomas had slit their throats. I was terrified that I could be the next girl to be ‘set free’ but I had decided I would rather bleed out than face the torture Thomas put most of his poor victims through. I was a selfish coward, I knew it. I should try to escape, but I was too frightened of what would happen. I would rather stay and be alive than fail miserably and be slaughtered. Nobody had ever escaped alive from the Hewitts, in the time that I knew them. And I knew their macabre family ways had started years ago.

“Hi, Thomas...” I set the tray down on the nearest counter. “Guess what Mama made for us tonight?” He did not say a word, which was not unusual because he was a mute. His silence was something I took a while to get used to, because I felt awkward talking and not getting a reply back. Still, Thomas seemed to like me talking to him, even if I did sometimes ramble on nervously. I thought this because of the way his deep brown eyes lit up with interest when I was talking to him. He also would sometimes get angry or upset if I had to leave a conversation we were in because I was being called elsewhere. “Yeah, you guessed it. Stew again...” I smiled uncertainly. “Well, I have my chores to get on with and you should eat the stew while it’s still warm.”

I turned to leave, but stopped when I felt a heavy touch on my shoulder. “What’s wrong, Thomas?” I asked, turning back to him. He walked over to a table, and kept looking back at me as if to reassure himself that I was not going to leave him. He picked up something from the table, which glinted in the electric light which lit up the cellar. He walked back over and held it up in front of me. It was a gold necklace, with a heart locket. It was clear from blood, but I instinctively knew it had come from one of Thomas’s victims. It was beautiful, but I had no desire to hold it myself or to own it. “It’s very pretty, Thomas. I really do have to go now.”

Thomas made a low grumbling noise of dissent, and he frowned at me so fiercely it sent a shiver down my spine. “Oh Thomas...I know you want me to have this. Thank you, thank you so much but I just don’t...I don’t think I can accept it.” He advanced towards me a step, and I stepped backwards cautiously. “Look, now just be reasonable. It’s not mine, if I had it I would be like a thief, don’t you understand?” I knew it was a mistake as soon as I said it, and that I had hurt his feelings, as he grabbed hold of my arms tightly, his dark eyes trained on me coldly. “I didn’t mean it like that. You know I don’t...I’m not like Hoyt. He’s just so damn ignorant. You’re smart, Thomas...” His grip on my arms tightened so much I could not help letting out a soft yelp. It really hurt, his fingers were digging into my skin painfully and yet I knew he was holding back on me. He had so much strength in him, but he was only aiming to hurt me to punish me, not like how he would treat his other victims who he would horrifically maim and kill. “I’m sorry, Thomas...” I knew I was going to have bruises on my arms. Hoyt was partially to blame for Thomas acting this way. I knew Thomas was annoyed that I was refusing his gift, but it was more me telling him he did not understand that had irritated him. Hoyt often bullied him and acted like Thomas was slow, when it was not true. He was mute, and also he viewed the world in a different way to me, but he was definitely not a dummy like Hoyt so often claimed he was. He was smart, and quick to take action when necessary to protect himself or his family. “I’ll take the necklace.” I gave in as the pain brought tears to my eyes and became too much to handle. I felt weak and it ashamed me. I was also a little afraid he might snap suddenly and go too far. Yet, that feeling I had, that he cared about me in some way, was what made that fear that he would snap was only a small fear.

I was relieved when he let go of me and dropped the necklace into my hand. I undid the catch and then reluctantly put on the necklace. It settled on my chest, feeling cool and smooth against my skin but I also felt like I had been burned. “So what do you think?” I searched his face, most of it hidden by his leather mask, and I smiled when I saw that his eyes were softer now, with a hint of approval. We were alright again; the air had been cleared of tension. At least for Thomas. Not me, I was still on edge. I often was, around him. He embraced me for a few moments, with a gentle hold. I knew it was his way of saying sorry for hurting me. “It’s alright, Thomas.” I returned his embrace, and lightly patted his back. “I upset you, and I should have thought about what I was saying.”

After I left Thomas, I made my way out of the house with a basket to collect the clothes that had been hanging from the line all day to air dry, after I had hand washed them under the supervision of Luda Mae. It was better outside, where I could breathe in the fresh air and imagine I was free. However, I was bound to the house by fear for my life. I had seen first-hand what evil the family were capable of, so I did not even want to imagine what would happen if they caught me running away. And it made me feel bad to think of Thomas and how he would feel if I left. It would upset him a lot. Sometimes it felt like he and I were allies. I knew it was twisted that I should feel anything for him but hate, disgust, and anger but I did. That was not to say I did not hate him at all, a part of me did hate him and his whole family for what they had done to all their victims, and keeping me captive, although the highest level of hatred I felt was towards Hoyt. He was such a manipulative bastard and although Thomas was to blame for the majority of the deaths and slaughter of the travellers unfortunate enough to wind up at the Hewitt home, Hoyt was the one who incited a lot of the violence and I was sure he had started Thomas on the path to becoming a monster. Yet Thomas was not just a monster. He was mentally imbalanced, I knew that, but he had a heart. He loved his family, I knew that for sure. And he cared for me, just a little. And it meant a lot to me. I was all alone here, but I did not feel so lonely when Thomas was around. I also relied on him for support. He was the only one capable of protecting me from Hoyt, who would have long since persuaded Thomas to get rid of me if he could. And who knew, Hoyt might succeed one day or Thomas could kill me of his own accord. Then it would all be over for me, but for now at least I was alive.

I threw all the clothes pegs I collected as I took down the clothes into a small container, and then picked up my basket. I decided to walk around the house once before I went inside again, wanting to avoid going back inside any sooner than absolutely necessary. However, I knew I could not stay outside for too long. Luda Mae would complain and criticize me for being slow, or worse still Hoyt would come after me. As I walked around the back of the house, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a dark haired man slumped against a post, with his hands behind his back, tied tightly to the post with rope. He was in his early twenties, I figured, so only a few years older than me. He looked like he had been viciously worked over, as he had bloody cuts and a darkening bruise on his face, with the area appearing to be swollen. I could only presume it to be Hoyt’s handiwork.

It appeared that he had passed out, and although it was horrible I was relieved he had. I preferred not to know anything about the family’s victims. I kept my distance and usually was able to avoid seeing them, though I often heard their screams. If I acted like they did not exist, it was easier to bear the heavy guilt that weighed me down for my cowardly ways. I was just as bad as the Hewitts, for trying my hardest to ignore what they did and not trying to save any of their victims in order to save myself. I did despise myself for that. I was selfish because I was so afraid of dying. When my time came, I wanted it to be from natural causes. And I felt like I had barely lived, at only eighteen. That was the excuse I used to justify my cowardice. As I turned away, I head a low groan. I steeled myself against it and kept walking, but when I heard him call out to me for help my steps slowed. I knew it was a mistake, but I turned back to him. He had blue eyes, and they were so expressive, speaking volumes about all he had suffered because of the Hewitts.

“Untie me...” He pleaded urgently. “You’ve gotta untie me now, before that inbred hick comes back. I just want to go home.”

I bit my lip as I studied him thoughtfully. “I want to help, I do. it’s just...I...I’m scared....If they find out I let you go...” I put my basket down and paced around. “Let me just think about this...”

“You need time to think?” He snapped, glaring at me. “There’s no fucking time to think. Just do it, untie me now unless you want to be the one to blame for my death.”

He was right, as much as I did not want to admit it. If I did nothing, it would be worse than all the other times because I had seen him face to face and I had the power to free him and at least give him a chance to escape. I glanced back towards the house. If I was going to untie him, it would have to be now before someone came searching for me. I took a deep breath. “Alright. I’ll do it, and for what it’s worth I hope you do escape,” It was difficult to untie the knots in the rope that had his wrists bound to the post. I could see that he must have had been struggling to get free earlier, as around his wrists were red marks. Finally I did manage to free him from the post.

He rubbed his arms for a few moments, then fixed his gaze on me, and there was such a change in his expression it made me feel afraid of him all of a sudden. There was a coldness to him that I had not seen before. I took a few steps back as he advanced towards me, a look of bitter contempt on his face and a malicious gleam in his eyes. “You’re just as bad as those sick freaks. They killed my girlfriend, so I’m gonna kill them, and burn the house down after I’m done, but you? I can’t believe you were thinking about leaving me there to die. You’re gonna pay for that...”

I turned to run, but he tackled me down onto the grass before I could get more than a few steps away. His weight was heavy on top of me. I screamed and struggled as best as I could but he socked me in the face, sending a blaze of pain through my head, and it dazed me enough so that he could overpower me. I could no longer scream when he wrapped his hands around my throat and tightened his grip until I began to lose my air supply. It was strange, but as he was choking me all I could think of was Thomas. Partially because I knew if anyone could save me, it would be him but I also felt a keen sense of regret and loss that I did not understand. If I did die here, I knew Thomas would be the only one who would feel sad for me, mourn my passing. I had no family, my best friend and my boyfriend had been the two most important people in my lives, but they had betrayed me and now they were dead.

**Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So thanks to everyone who read and likes the story so far!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, just a fan.**

**WARNINGS: Violence, swearing, physical abuse, mentions of cannibalism and butchering for cannibalistic purposes, minor character death**

The sound of a shot rang out through the air, a burst of fresh warm blood splattering my face as my attacker slumped forward over me. Hoyt was standing close by, with a shotgun in his hand and a hard expression on his face as he unceremoniously pushed the now dead body of my attacker off of me. It was hard to believe it. One minute he was alive, and the next minute he was gone. And it was my fault. I coughed as I sat up, drawing deep breaths of air back into my lungs. My throat felt sore but I was safe. Hoyt had saved me, even though right now he looked like he wanted to shoot me with his shotgun too. Instead he settled for dragging me up onto my feet with his hand entangled in my long, dark tresses.

“You little bitch! Now you made me spoil a good portion of the meat,” Hoyt spat venomously as he grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me closer to his latest victim. I looked away, not wanting to see the body anymore, but he took hold of my face and made me look closely. There was a rapidly growing pool of blood staining the grass from the shotgun wound in the young man’s body, and although I thought I was used to seeing blood by now, this time it affected me more sharply. I felt so much more to blame this time. Even though he had tried to kill me, he had his reasons and in some ways I felt I had deserved his anger. I felt sad for his death, and sick, and scared of what was going to happen to me next. I knew I would be punished, but I did not know how just yet. When Hoyt finally let me go, I turned away and threw up the entire contents of my dinner. Then I started to cry. Hoyt looked at me with a mixture of disgust and bitter contempt in his eyes. “You’ll never be a real Hewitt if you keep acting like a damn baby. Tommy and Mama don’t help you none by fussin’ over you neither. You’re a spoilt, ungrateful brat. Now get back in the house, missy. Mama’s waiting for you.”

I slowly made my way back to the house. Luda Mae was waiting for me on the back porch, a sombre expression on her face as she stood there with her arms crossed under her chest. There was a softness in her eyes that spoke of worry and concern for me, though I also knew she was angry with me too. “Come here to me, Kate,” She beckoned for me to walk closer to her. When I went up the steps and was in front of her, she rested her hands on my shoulders and examined me carefully. “You’ll be alright honey, nothin’ a few days rest won’t cure,” Luda Mae pulled me into a hug for a few moments, then she lost the tenderness in her eyes and her face turned grim. “You’ve disappointed me and you risked the whole family’s safety. I can’t even begin to tell you how upset I am with you, girl. How can I trust you now?” She took hold of my hand firmly and led me inside. I had not expected that reaction from her, to get a hug after behaving in a manner that infuriated her, and I knew she probably had wanted to slap me, yet she had refrained. She did care about me. I knew she always had, but she rarely showed it so openly and I could not help being touched by her concern. We went upstairs together, and she shook her head at me slowly, taking a key from inside her apron pocket. “I really thought you were starting to settle into life with us. I didn’t think I’d need to use this again. Well now, you go to your room while I run you a hot bath and you can get changed for bed. Reckon we’ve all had enough excitement tonight.”

I did not protest, though I dreaded the sight of that key. I went into my room, and Luda Mae locked the door behind me. I felt so trapped. It reminded me of when I first arrived at the Hewitt home and the room had been like a prison cell. More comfortable than a prison cell, but nonetheless I still had hated it at first. I was only let out of the room to have my bath before Luda Mae locked me up again. I felt a little better once I had my bath. Although having a clean body did not mean I felt cleansed inside. I only wished that I could forget what happened, but it was something that would stay with me forever. As I lay down on my bed I could not help thinking about how Thomas would react once he knew what I had done. I knew he would see it as a betrayal. It really worried me, as well as wondering what other repercussions I would face for trying to help the stranger. It was a long time before I was able to drift off into sleep. When I awoke, I was not in my room. I knew that straight away from the stench that lingered in the air. It was dark. Too dark to see anything really. I could not feel a lumpy mattress and bedsheet underneath me anymore. It was a cold, hard, slightly rough surface. When I tried to move I found that I could not move much at all, as my wrists and ankles were tied with what felt like leather straps. That was when I realized where I was. I was in the cellar, on Thomas’s wooden butchering block. I was his next victim. Slowly the darkness faded as the cellar lights went on. Thomas was standing over me, with a meat cleaver in his hands. His eyes looked dark and cold as he raised up his cleaver, the blade gleaming in the dull light as he brought it down towards my chest. I screamed, but no sound came out. Just as the cleaver was about to strike my body, the scene disappeared and I was back in my room, staring up at my ceiling. I gasped, realizing I had just had a nightmare. I was so inert, it took me a minute or so before I was able to sit up fully. I looked towards the window and saw that dawn had just broken.

Just as I lay back down to try to get some more sleep, my bedroom door opened and Hoyt strode into the room. “Rise and shine, Mama wants to see ya in the barn. You’re gonna help her butcher some meat.”

“What?” I gasped, sitting up again in the bed. “I can’t do that. That’s for Thomas and Mama to do, I’ve never done that before.”

“Listen here, missy, you’re lucky I didn’t skin you alive for what you did.” Hoyt stormed over to the bed, snatching up my hairbrush from my dresser on his way over. “Imagine what would’ve happened if that fucker had gotten away!” He started raining blows down on me, with the back of the hairbrush as I curled up in a ball, trying to protect myself. It hurt a lot, and I knew I would get some fresh bruises but thankfully he stopped after a few minutes. “Now get your ass out of that bed, and go down to join her, or I’ll give you such a bad beltin’ you won’t be able to sit down for a week!”

I knew he meant every word he said, so I reluctantly got out of bed, picking up a dress before I went to the bathroom to freshen up and get ready for the day ahead. When I was clean and presentable, I made my way downstairs and out of the house to the barn.

Luda Mae was waiting for me by a table, on which lay a small array of sharp butchering tools .Also on the table various body parts were laid out, some I could identify as coming from different people. There were two hands, one leg and one arm. The worst part of it all was a torso which had been neatly cut open down the middle; the ribcage split open revealing the inner organs. Also on the table was a ball of twine, resting on top of a pile of waxed paper and scissors. “It’s time you got more acquainted with the meat, Kate. Don’t think I don’t know you aren’t eating it.” She gave me a reproving look as she rolled up her sleeves. “But you’ll come around to the taste eventually.”

I stayed silent on the matter, as I was sure I would not come around but if I said so it would just lead to an argument. “I...I don’t think I’d be good at this, you know. Can’t I just start doing my morning chores instead?”

“No!” Luda Mae exclaimed, with a stern expression on her face as she passed an apron to me. “Put this on, and then we’ll get to work. Don’t be so selfish. You know everyone in the family has to work together for our survival. And after your betrayal yesterday I thought you’d be more than willing to help me out.”

“Oh, I am willing to help. I work hard, don’t I? In all my chores?” I reluctantly put on the apron and tied it at the back. “It’s just – these were people. Real humans who had lives and families of their own –”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Luda Mae snapped. “What we have here is meat, pure and simple. Good meat and you turn your nose up at it and us, too.”

“I’m sorry but that’s not true, you know it’s not,” I defended myself against her unfair accusation. “I’m no better than anyone. It’s just that I don’t want to eat humans.”

“That’s what you think now, but you’ll change your mind. One day, I’m sure. Enough talk now, girl,” Luda Mae beckoned me over to a tub of clean soapy water with a hose lying near it. “First we’re gonna wash our hands, then we can get started.”

After we both washed our hands thoroughly in the water Luda Mae emptied out the tub and refilled it with fresh water and some soap. She walked back over to the table and I slowly trailed after her, my stomach already feeling queasy as she picked up a knife. “Now, you know what this is don’t you? See how there are different types of knives here? Like this filleting knife I’m holding? That’s because different cuts of meat sometimes need different types of knives. And now, what do you think this is?” She picked up some kind of saw next. “This is a bone saw; see how the teeth are wider and deeper than just a plain ol’ hacksaw? That means it will cut through flesh and bone smoothly without the teeth getting clogged up,” Finally Luda Mae picked up a cleaver. “Now this tool is one of Tommy’s favourites, the meat cleaver.” She pointed to the hand. “Now you pick a tool and cut the meat into nice small pieces. Reckon it will go in my next stew. And mind, be careful you don’t cut yourself, you can see how sharp they are.”

I picked up the cleaver. The cleaver felt heavy and foreign in my hand as I held it tightly. “I...I can’t do this...”

“Yes you can,” Luda Mae replied, coming to stand behind me. She wrapped her hands over mine, and positioned the cleaver right next to the metacarpophalangeal knuckle joints of the hand. “And I’ll help you.” Together we raised the cleaver into the air, and then let it come dropping down, the weight and momentum of the blade easily severing four fingers from the hand. I let go of the cleaver and Luda Mae took over, methodically cutting the fingers at their other knuckle joints. She cut off the thumb as well before turning her attention to the palm of the hand. Together we worked through the rest of the body parts, using different tools to cut until it all looked just like a big pile of bloody cuts of – meat. I hated to admit it, but it did look like meat though I knew the horrible truth. I felt nauseous throughout the entire horrid experience, but I got through it by pretending it was not what I knew it to be. It was not until we turned to the torso that my stomach chose to rebel and I had to go and throw up. Luda Mae was unsympathetic, and seemed disappointed in me. She forced me to come and watch her cutting out the organs, although thankfully she did not ask me to participate because I did not think I could handle it anymore. “Now we don’t eat most of the organs, but I don’t believe in wasting anything I don’t have to waste. Like this right here,” She held up the liver. “Once it’s cooked with a little seasoning it’ll be delicious,” Luda Mae eyed me with a hard, stern stare. “I’ll cook this up tonight for you, Kate.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t eat that!” I exclaimed, trying to keep the repulsion I felt inside hidden from my face. “I mean...No thank you, I don’t like liver.”

“Well, we’ll talk about that later. Let’s wash our hands again then pack the meat away,” Luda Mae went to wash her hands and I followed suit. Together, we wrapped up the cuts in the paper and tied them in neat packages with the twine. Again we washed our hands and then took turns carrying the meat to the freezer in the cellar, although some packages went straight into the fridge. Luda Mae went to prepare breakfast while I scrubbed down the table with a soapy brush and ran the hose over it.

After I had breakfast, just some bread and tea, I threw myself into my morning chores. I saw Uncle Monty and Hoyt at breakfast, but Thomas was missing. I was sweeping the front entrance hall when I saw him descend down the stairs with heavy footsteps and then I just watched him carefully, waiting for his reaction. I knew he would have been told about what I had done; Hoyt would have wasted no time in telling him. I was tense, thinking he would be angry but I was puzzled when he just walked straight past me out of the house. He did not even look at me; it was like I was not even there. I felt a sudden spike of uneasiness and worry. I put down the broom and followed him. He was walking fast, with great big strides. “Thomas, stop!” I called after him. “I want to talk to you.” He did not stop, it was like he could not hear me but I knew he could. It hit me then, that he was ignoring me. Shutting me out. It stung me deeply; I had never even thought he would do that to me. Although I knew I deserved it, after what I had done. I just did not think I could cope as well without his support. I grabbed hold of his arm but he pulled away. “Just listen to me, please,” I took hold of his hand this time. He stopped walking, and I went to stand in front of him. His eyes made me feel anxious, because I saw nothing there. They were stony, expressionless, devoid of warmth. At that moment I wished he just got angry with me. At least if I saw anger, if he hurt me, it would be some form of emotion. “I’m so sorry, Thomas. I didn’t mean to...” I let my words trail away. I couldn’t continue. I had meant what I had done; I had purposefully tried to help someone escape. I took a deep breath. “Okay, no I shouldn’t lie to you. I just wanted to help him, but I know I risked the family’s safety and I’m going to make up for it but you can’t just act like I don’t exist. I’m really, really sorry for what I did. Can you forgive me?”

Thomas raised my hand up to his face, and kissed it through his mask. I smiled, knowing it was a step in the right direction though I knew there was no chance of him forgiving me so soon. He dropped my hand, and shoved me backwards, away from him and in that moment I saw an animalistic anger surface in his eyes. I stumbled backwards and fell down, grazing one of my elbows on the hard, sun baked soil outside. He kept on walking like nothing had happened and I knew better than to follow him again. I had to let him have his space. I got up slowly and brushed the dust off my dress as I watched him disappear into the distance. With every step he took I felt like the divide between us was getting bigger. I knew I had to fix it, get him to forgive me and earn his trust again no matter how long it took. It was alarming that I felt so awful, for doing something that had actually been the right thing to do. I had felt guilty for what I did, but it had not affected me so strongly until after I had seen how disappointed Thomas was in me. I felt like I had ruined our friendship, although the tentative bond I shared with Thomas was not friendship, it was something deeper that I did not fully understand. . And though I had been unwillingly adopted into the family, I did not see him as a brother at all, it just felt weird and wrong to think of him in that way. I was not sure how he saw me, especially after what I did but I was determined that we would get back to where we had been before I messed everything up. I needed Thomas in my life, I was certain of that.

**Thanks for reading :)**


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